I've Thought About You Everyday Since
by HettyMC
Summary: Miles has been in London for the past few years but what happens when he returns to Canada for his sisters wedding. A ghost from his past re-enters his life which could change his life forever.
1. Chapter 1

Miles walked out of the arrivals gate at Toronto airport dragging his entire life behind him in two suitcases. He had spent the past 7 years living in the UK studying at the London Academy of Writing. Today though he was on his way back home for his sister's wedding to his best friend Winston Chu. The two had been best friends for years and though originally Miles was not happy Winston had chosen his sister, he was happy they had both found someone who made them happy.

As Miles wandered through the crowds of people piling off of flights, he spotted his best friend sat with his back to him. They'd not seen each other in over 4 years when Winston and Frankie had come over to the UK to attend Miles's graduation. Following the end of his education Miles had decided to remain in the UK to start afresh leaving his troubled past behind. His relationship with his Father had been patched up and they spoke once a month but their relationship was more of acquaintances than father-son. His Mother had remarried his Father 2 years after he moved to the UK, which had led to the breakdown of their relationship, but again they had been working to re-forge those bonds. On the other hand, his relationship with his siblings had strengthened. Both his sister and brother had provided the support Miles needed through his difficult break up before he left for the UK for the first time.

The large groups of people shadowed the sound of Miles' approach giving him a prime opportunity to sneak up behind Winston. When he reached him, Mile wrapped his arm around Winston's throat in a joke choke hold. Winston jumped but realised almost immediately that the foreign arm surrounding his neck belonged to his best friend. The last time the two had seen each other Miles had been very slim which he blamed on the level of studying and writing he had to do but now he stood more muscular than Winston had ever seen him however still on the slim side. The two embraced each other before Miles heard a shriek behind him. Before he could turn to see where the noise had come from, Miles stumbled backwards as his sister threw herself at him in a bear hug. Unlike Winston, Frankie saw her brother more regularly as she and Hunter would travel over to the UK during the holidays rather than spend it with their parents.

"Finally you've made it" Frankie shouted in his ear as she continued to squeeze him. She turned and punched Winston in the arm "Did you let me go to the toilet so you could see him first? He's my brother!" Winston and Miles gave each other a look before bursting into fits of laughter while Frankie looked on. Once the boys had finally calmed down Winston grabbed Frankie by the waist pulling her closer to him. "Franks don't sulk it's not my fault I'm his favourite." This resulted in Winston getting another slap round the arm before Miles stepped between the pair saying "let's get out here before Frankie murders you". With this Miles threw his arm around his sister's shoulders steering her towards the door leaving Winston to drag Miles's very large suitcase behind him. Miles had yet to tell his siblings but he had decided before coming back for Frankie's wedding that he would be moving back to Toronto and therefore Miles entire life in London was in that bag.

The walk to the car was swift and talk quickly turned to the wedding. "I cannot believe you left it this late to get here. The rehearsal dinner is tomorrow! Hunter kept telling me your flight was going to be delayed and you wouldn't make it." "Franks do you really think I would miss your wedding? Do you really think I would miss Chewy's wedding? The fact you're marrying each other just makes my life much simpler. You know I'm not a fan of long haul flights." Frankie smiled tentatively at her brother "I knew you wouldn't miss it but you know how Hunter likes to make me doubt everything."

As they got in the car Winston gave Frankie a look as if to day 'if you don't tell him, I will'. Miles knew that look from back in high school when Winston would give him that look whenever he needed to speak to someone. "So Miles we have something to tell you…" Frankie started. "Just spit it out Frankie" "Well while Hunter was teasing me that you wouldn't come to our wedding I kind of changed the invite list." Miles's stomach dropped. He knew exactly what Frankie was about to tell him. His eyes darted to Winston's in the rear view mirror, who was looking away in what could only be described as guilt and sadness. Miles eyes dropped "you invited him didn't you?" The question was rhetorical, already knew the answer without the reply that followed. "At the time I thought it was a good idea. If I couldn't have you there then I'd want the person who reminds me most of you there. I sent the invite without really thinking about it. Once I'd thought it through it was too late he had already RSVP'd." Miles stared at the back of the seat in front of him. He had a mixture of emotions swelling around his stomach. Happiness, nerves but mostly sadness and regret. Before he had left for London, he had had to deal with a break up which he hoped he'd never have to relive but the fact he would have to see his ex made him feel sick. He'd spent countless hours in his first year in London writing letters trying to explain how he felt but none had ever felt good enough to actually be sent.

His mind was whirling with the image of him. Of Tristan.


	2. Chapter 2

The drive back to Frankie and Winston's house was quiet. Miles sat staring out of the window thoughts running through his head 'how was Tristan?' 'Did he still think about him too?' 'Had Tristan moved on with his life?' that last thought terrified him. While in London he had tried to date but all he ever did was compare them to Tristan. When he arrived he had caught the eye of both the males and females of his class; it was like being back in sophomore year again and having Zoe, Maya and Tristan falling all over him. There he was again, Tristan. Everything came back to Tristan.

Their break up had been amicable. To begin with Miles had been angry with Tristan after he'd been with him through his entire recovery but after spending time thinking about the situation he knew it was because Tristan was being selfless and letting Miles follow his dreams. They had said they would keep in contact but this didn't happen, Miles didn't know what to say and he could imagine Tristan had been the same. The only news he got of his ex was the snippets his sister gave him but these quickly dwindled and now he had no idea where or what Tristan was doing.

He was drawn out of his daydream by the sudden jolt of the car breaking in the driveway of his sister's house. Though close to where they grew up, Frankie and Winston had decided to downsize from what Frankie was used to in the hope they would not turn out to be like her parents. They wanted any children they may have to be brought up in a way in which they earned things and weren't just given them. Miles had only seen the house in photographs but he could already tell from the outside he was going to enjoy his stay here. As they stepped through the front door a sense of warmth came over Miles. So this is what a home felt like. In London he had moved so regularly no particular flat he lived in felt like home and this was definitely a contributing factor for him choosing to move back to Canada.

"We've put you in the room at the top of the stairs" Winston muttered, still unsure of the state of mind his best friend was in. Silently Miles ascended the stairs walking through the door and setting his bags down. He stood at the window staring across the backyard - Frankie hadn't told him the house looked over his parent's house. That house brought back horrible memories of a father's disappointment in him as well as the health issues himself and his brother had had to overcome while at high school. Frankie walked up behind her brother wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. She was nowhere near as tall as he was so placed her head against his back. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Tristan. I just didn't want you to change your mind and stay in London".

"How is he?" Miles asked cautiously not knowing whether he wanted to know the answer to his own question. He knew his sister was still in contact with his ex but would have been able to make an excuse as to why he had not been invited to the wedding. "He's okay. He's been out of rehab for the past couple of year and started studying at the University of Toronto." "Let me guess he's studying Drama." Miles quipped. Frankie laughed "How did you guess? He always asks after you. He used to ask to see if you'd sent any of your writing over." A look of panic crossed Miles's face. "Don't worry I've never shown him any of it. Do you really think I would be stupid enough to show it to your muse?" Miles looked down at his feet "Was it really that obviously?" Frankie didn't say a word and just looked at him in only a way she could. It was like she was looking deep into his soul and he could never lie to her.

The silence was interrupted by the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. Both Frankie and Miles looked at the door to see the silhouette of his brother coming towards the room. In two large strides he had managed to make it to the door before engulfing Hunter in a hug. Over the past few years, though there were thousands of miles between them, the brothers had become closer sharing almost their entire lives with one another. Hunter knew things about Miles not even Winston knew. Once the pair detangled themselves from one another, the trio descended the stairs to where Winston was standing in the kitchen. "Tea?" he asked. "Now Winston do you make tea as well as the English do?" Miles teased. Winston retorted "If my tea isn't good enough for you sir Hollingsknowitall you know where the kettle and mugs are" "Touché" Miles laughed. This is the behaviour he remember, it felt so easy to be around his best friends and his family. It was only missing a single component that Miles knew he couldn't get so he pushed that nagging feeling to the back of his head.

"So the rehearsal dinner tomorrow will only have a few close friends and family" Frankie started. "And of course my two favourite brothers will be taking centre stage." "Is that your way of saying can you give a speech?" Hunter chuckled. He turned to Miles "I feel like this is your area of expertise" "I mean it's not like I'm going to have jet lag or anything" Miles replied rolling his eyes. "Perfect I'll leave the speech to you then." Said Hunter as he took his tea to sit outside in his sister's garden. Winston laughed patting Miles on the back "Who needs sleep anyway. Sleep is for the weak" Winston chimed before taking his own tea and exiting the kitchen. Miles stood bemused following the conversation that had just taken part. He grabbed his tea and also walked towards the back door before turning on the spot placing his mug back down before jogging upstairs to his bag, grabbing his notebook before returning to the kitchen and making his way outside. It was better to start now he thought as he took a seat with his family to enjoy the kind of evening of laughter and joy he had missed.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun shone on his face through a crack in the curtains. He groaned as he rolled on to his stomach shoving a pillow over his face to block the light. Tristan never had been a morning person but today he was struggling more than normal. He dragged himself from his bed to the shower in an attempt to wake himself up before he had to go to work at the theatre. After the bus crash Tristan's recovery had taken far longer than anyone anticipated and had resulted in him starting university 5 years after his fellow classmates had. To begin with this made him feel uncomfortable as the majority of those studying with him were much younger, but this initial apprehension dissipated quickly.

He'd kept in contact with the majority of those who he had gone to school with, keeping them updated on his recovery and asking about their lives. Of course his best friend Zoe had been his rock through everything but now that he was back to his full self their relationship had shifted allowing Zoe to put all her attention into her family with Rasha. He'd also spoke to Frankie frequently, and though initially he had ulterior motives, their friendship had developed.

Frankie worked close to the university leading to many a lunch break sat together talking about life. In recent times the subject had remained around Frankie's wedding. Tristan was happy about this as it meant he could keep new aspects of his life away from her. He was surprised when he received his invitation to the actual wedding ceremony as she had frequently said only her family would be invited along with Winston's but of course had accepted. The only issue was he'd have to face him. Zoe and Tristan had joked a lot about him being known as 'he who must not be named'. It had been years since he last saw him and Frankie had spoken less and less about him during their chats.

Tristan walked along the pavement humming to himself on the way to the theatre. Currently his class were working towards their end of year performance which this year Tristan had been selected to play one of the leads in their production of 'Far From The Madding Crowd'. The character of Gabriel had never been a role he could imagine himself getting but he'd faced the challenge head on and now felt far more confident in his performance. The play was about a woman in 19th century England who has her choice of men but initially chooses one she does not love before he dies and she finds her way back to her true love. It was your stereotypical story of true love conquering all however this was an idea Tristan had lost many years ago.

As he walked into the theatre, he heard his name being called. He looked up removing his headphones from his ears and smiled. Directly in front of him was Hugo, his very handsome boyfriend from the UK who was over in Canada studying at the university. The two walked towards each other, giving a quick peck on the lips in the process "What are you doing here? I thought you had an essay to finish?" Tristan started. "Well I missed you last night so I thought I'd come and bring you breakfast and see if you wanted to join me for lunch later." Hugo said in his charming British accent. Tristan face dropped "I'm really sorry Hugo I promised Frankie I'd have lunch with her today so she can talk through any last plans for the wedding." Hugo's face relaxed into a gentle smile "That's alright. I will just have to wait until dinner to see your beautiful face again." With that Hugo turned on his heels and was out the door before Tristan could say anything.

Tristan smiled to himself. He didn't know how he'd been so lucky to meet Hugo. They had met at a Freshman event in their first year of university. Like Tristan, Hugo had taken a couple of years off after finishing school though he was still a year younger than Tristan. He was also studying a different subject but Tristan liked that because it meant when they spent time together they weren't comparing answers or results allowing him to fully relax.

As he walked onto the stage he saw the familiar face of one of his best friends, Will. Like Hugo he had met Will during the first week at the university and they'd got on like a house on fire. "Hey, saw you had a visitor this morning" "Yeah Hugo wanted to know if we could grab lunch later but I promised Frankie I meet her." "Have you told Hugo about 'he who shall not be named' yet?" Tristan stomach dropped. He hadn't told him yet but he was taking Hugo to the reception wedding with him. To be honest he'd been too scared to tell him. Hugo was loving, generous and kind but he didn't know how he would react to the news of Tristan's ex-boyfriend especially as he'd never even told him about Frankie's brothers. "You need to tell him before the wedding" Will said softly. He knew his best friend shouldn't be pushed on matters of his heart. "I'll tell him tonight" "Are you not going to the rehearsal dinner?" "No, Frankie said only family would be there and if I wanted to go I could but not to worry if I didn't feel comfortable doing so." Will nodded. "He won't be angry. It would just be better to know before the wedding so as to not be caught in an awkward encounter." Tristan agreed.

He'd tell him tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

The day had been long and all Tristan wanted to do was get into his bed but he knew he had to do this. He'd been putting this off for a long time and if Hugo had left it this long to tell him something like this he'd be angry. He'd text Hugo earlier telling him to come round for 7:30. His nerves were building. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, he was cursing his past self. He should have just told him, what if he flew off the handle?

There was a knock at the door. Tristan crossed the room quickly smoothing his shirt and opened the door. Hugo stood holding a large bouquet of flowers smiling from ear to ear. 'God why are you so perfect?' Tristan thought. "Hey handsome" Hugo said stepping forward to place a sweet kiss on his boyfriend's lips. "Hi" Tristan beamed. His nerves had melted away, that smile could do that. "Come in, dinner will be ready soon" Tristan said as he walked back towards the kitchen.

They sat opposite each other eating dinner in a comfortable science. Tristan had to psych himself up and knew he just had to come out with it. "I have to tell you something" he started. Hugo stopped eating to look at Tristan "I didn't tell you Frankie is the sister of my ex." They'd never really spoken of ex's, it just didn't come up in conversation. Hugo's faced softened encouraging Tristan to go on. "I don't know why I didn't tell you about him. I didn't want you to think you had competition or something. I've not spoken to him in years but I know he'll be at the wedding. I think you'll get on with him. He's been in London for the past few years." Hugo interrupted "Are you going to tell me his name?" Hugo laughed. "I'll need to know who to scout out" he winked. Tristan felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Miles. His name is Miles." "And what does Miles do?" "He's writing I think. Well that's only from the small amount Frankie speaks about him."

Hugo stood up grabbing Tristan's hand in the process pulling him towards the sofa. "We've never really spoken about our pasts have we?" Hugo said. "Do you know at school I was a huge nerd?" he continued. "I was never popular, only had a handful of friends. Who wanted to be friends with the nerdy gay guy?" "Did they not accept you?" Tristan questioned. Hugo looked down "No not by my friends and a large majority of my family. The only family I still speak to is my Mum and Sister." Tristan looked sadly at him. "What about your friends and family?" "I was really lucky. I think they all knew before I even did. I think my brother struggled to start with but once he saw how happy being out had made me he quickly changed his mind." "And how did you meet Miles?" Tristan was taken aback. He wasn't expecting Hugo to ask him question about him. Hugo must have seen the confusion in his eyes. "I mean he must have been a huge part of your life?"

"I met him in my sophomore year of high school. At the time I thought he was straight. He was a serial dater going out with any girl who looked his way. Then one evening we decided not to attend prom because we didn't want to see certain people and ended up kissing. That went on for a couple of months but we split quite quickly as I didn't think he was over one of the girls. Then a year later he struggled with addiction for prescription drugs. I helped support him through it all even when others nearly set him back on the wrong path. And then we fell back into a relationship. It just naturally happened. Then I had the bus crash." Tristan looked down at his hands hesitating. Hugo looked at him as if to say 'only continue if you're comfortable in doing so'. Tristan took a deep breath and started again. "He sat by my side in the hospital everyday while in I was in a coma. I don't think I could have done that but he did. When I woke up he was there the whole time through rehab until we got to the end of high school. I couldn't keep up our relationship as I was killing myself trying to get better for him so I broke it off. He had been accepted to a writer's school in London and I couldn't live with holding him back from his dreams. Then he left for London and we haven't really spoken since." Hugo took Tristan's hands in his own. "Well he sounds like a great guy and it sounds like he provided you all the support you needed in a very difficult time. It also sounds like he helped you grow as an individual to the person I love today. So tomorrow I must say thank you to him for allowing you to develop into someone who is so wonderful." Tristan smiled. He had not been expecting this reaction. "I love you too" Tristan replied. He really didn't know how he'd got so lucky in finding first Miles and now Hugo.

Tristan grabbed Hugo by the face and pulled his into a long deep kiss. He knew Hugo was a keeper.


	5. Chapter 5

Miles woke with a start. He'd dreamt about the bus crash again. It had been many years since he'd dreamt about that, it was probably the fact he knew he was going to see Tristan today for the first time since he had completed rehab. He got up and walked over to the window. He could see his brother and sister sat on the lawn with what looked like an untouched breakfast. Hunter had hold of his sister's hand and was talking quietly with her, possibly calming her down for the day ahead. Miles exited his room and made his way downstairs to them and sat down next to his sister. She turned to him smiling though he could tell she had been crying.

"What's up Franks?" Miles asked concerned, she shouldn't be crying yet. "I just spoke to Mum, Dad's not coming to the wedding." Miles was seething. How could his Father abandon his daughter on her wedding day especially as he was meant to be walking her down the aisle. Miles knew he'd never been a massive fan of Winston due to his friendship with Miles but he didn't think he could stoop this low. Hunter looked at him with the same anger in his eyes. Calmly Miles turned to his Sister, "I'll walk you down the aisle." Frankie's head shot up, she obviously hadn't thought about this option. "Would you?" "Of course I will." Frankie jumped on him squeezing him as tightly as she could. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Will you eat some breakfast now please, can't be passing out on your big day." Frankie grabbed a piece of toast shoving it into her mouth before grabbing her glass and walking back into the house. Miles chuckled piling his plate with food.

A few hours later

Miles fixed his tie in the mirror. He had spoken to Winston after breakfast to fill him in with the developments of the morning and apologised that he would not be able to be with him before the ceremony. He took a deep breath and walked out of his room into the living room. He would wait for his sister here, he didn't want to interrupt. His sister hadn't been able to choose between her two best friends so both Shay and Lola had stepped up. Shay stepped out first followed by Frankie with Lola heading the train of the dress. He knew his sister was beautiful but today she looked incredible. He felt himself well up leading to Frankie walking up to him taking his face in her hands and wiping the tears from his eyes. "Franks you look unbelievable, Winston is one lucky guy. Are you ready to go?" "As I'll ever be." Miles took her hand and walked her to the car.

The drive to the church was quiet, both enjoying the last silence of the day before the storm of the wedding began. They held each other's hand for the entire drive which was over before they knew it. As Miles was getting out of the car he had the realisation that he would be seeing the only guy he'd ever loved in a matter of moments. He composed himself, walked around the car and opened the door for Frankie offering his hand to help her get out of the car. They stood at the door of the church took one final look at each other and indicated for the door to be opened. The wedding march began and Shay and Lola watched down the aisle with their respective partners Tiny and Saad. With one last deep breath, Miles and Frankie stepped forward and began to make their way down the aisle.

As they went they both greeted the guests smiling and nodding as if to say thank you for joining us on this special day. Then he saw him. Their eyes locked and Miles felt as if he couldn't breathe. All the feelings he'd managed to repress over the years bubbled up in that moment. He was even more beautiful than he remembered and the suit he had on really accentuated his now more muscular physique. Unlike the last time Miles had seen him, Tristan was stood up tall no longer requiring a frame or another person for support. He smiled back at Miles.

Tristan also had butterflies in his stomach. 'Oh my god, he's managed to get even more attractive than the last time they had been together.' A small smile spread across Tristan's face which Miles returned. He really had missed him, it may be Frankie's big day but in his eyes Miles was stealing the show with his beautifully tailored suit. Their eyes remained glued together for longer than was probably acceptable but as soon as they had walked past Miles's eyes looked forward to his best friend. He grinned at him which Winston returned, though tears were visible in his eyes. As they reached the alter Miles gave Frankie a kiss on the cheek and a massive bear hug to Winston before taking his place next to Winston.

The ceremony went off without a hitch and before he knew it Miles was following his sister and her husband up the aisle. 'What an odd phrase' he thought knowing this moment would probably come but still trying to wrap his head around it. The couple looked happier than ever and Miles hoped his sister had put their father to the back of her head to enjoy her day. As he stepped out of the church his eyes instantly fixed on the tall brunette stood toward the back of the group of guests. Miles walked towards him "Hi" they said simultaneously before laughing at their awkwardness. To break this Miles pulled Tristan into a hug which instantly melted the ice. "You look well" Miles said. "You don't look half bad yourself. Good to see you took my advice and started working out" Tristan winked at him. Miles looked down blushing slightly. "Well you know got to keep the looks to match the persona. It's good to see you. It's been far too long. Look at you. The last time we saw each other you were still using a frame to get yourself about." Tristan looked down sadly. "It would have been nice if you were here when I was able to walk without it but I'm sure London is incredible."

Their conversation continued and soon they were back to the way they used to talk to each other. It was comfortable and neither had noticed Frankie coming towards them. "Tris you'll have to excuse us but I need this one for my photographs." "Of course we've got time to catch up later." Tristan smiled. As Miles walked away he turned giving Tristan a half smile before turning back to his sibling. "So you two looked close" Frankie began. Miles smiled to himself. God he'd missed that face, that body but he had a slightly uneasy feeling which he couldn't put his finger on. "So what were you talking about?" "Not much, he asked me about my job. You know the kind of questions someone would ask if you hadn't seen the other for a long time." Frankie nodded. So Tristan hadn't told him about Hugo. She was concerned her brother's hope was being lifted by their conversation but of course he had no chance. "Just be careful" Frankie warned. What did that mean?

Once all the formalities were over the wedding party descended on the reception venue. Miles had been pretty much attached to Tristan's hip since they had first spoken but this was soon about to change. As the music increased in volume and the first dance had occurred Tristan was beginning to get concerned as Hugo had yet to show. A tap on his shoulder pulled him out of his thought as he turned to find Miles behind him offering his hand. Tristan hesitated before accepting and was then pulled into the centre of the dance floor where the coupled placed their hands on each other's waists and began to sway slowly with the music. "Have you enjoyed the day so far?" Miles asked trying to lighten the mood. "I have. I always knew your sister's wedding would be as classy as this. I couldn't imagine her having anything less. I need to talk to you about something." Tristan started but was interrupted by a tap on Miles's shoulder.

Miles didn't recognise this guy at all but he knew his accent almost immediately having spent a lot of time in the UK. The unknown man spoke "Hi you must be Miles. I'm Hugo, Tristan's boyfriend."


	6. Chapter 6

Miles's heart broke in that moment. He looked from Hugo to Tristan, whose eyes were not looking at either of them. Miles turned back to Hugo, putting his most convincing smile on and stuck his hand out for Hugo to shake. "Hi Hugo, lovely to meet you, I guess you already know my name" Miles laughed though none of the 3 were convinced by it. Hugo tried to break the tension "Tristan tells me you've been studying and working in London for the last few years. I grew up just outside of London in a place called St. Albans." Miles breathed deeply and smiled, this time more believably "Ah yes I know where you mean. I've visited there when I went to the Harry Potter Studios. You've got a beautiful cathedral there; I actually used to visit when I needed inspiration for my writing. I found it very peaceful." The tension eased "Ah yes, we used to visit all the time when we were children. It where I've always imagined getting married…did you see the graffiti from the 1600s?" the discussion between the two became easier and soon Tristan felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, though he wasn't certain if he was jealous of Hugo talking so freely with Miles or the fact Miles was getting on so well with Hugo.

Their discussion drifted to the bar where they ordered themselves some drinks with Tristan now also beginning to join in with the conversation. Miles noticed his hand drift to Hugo's lower back which sent another wave of heartbreak through his chest. However he had got very good at disguising his true emotions even if this skill had not shown itself earlier on in the evening. Their conversation continued until the first dance was announced and they made their way over to the dance floor as Winston and Frankie took to the floor. The song 'Ho Hey' by the Lumineers began and the couple on the dance floor began to sway to the music, twirling around in each other's arms while onlookers smiled. Tristan quickly glanced over at Miles, whose face wore a sad smile as he watched his sister and best friend on the dancefloor. Tristan wondered whether the smile was due to his sister finally being married or whether it was due to him. He knew he should have mentioned Hugo earlier but the moment hadn't arisen in which it felt right to do so. He looked down at his hand intertwined with Hugo's suddenly feeling uncomfortable with his hand being there. He slowly slipped his hand away before whispering some excuse about going to the toilet.

As he arrived in the bathroom, he found himself shaking, though unsure as to why. He looked up into the mirror with his hands either side of the mirror supporting a large amount of his weight. His eyes were blurry and he felt the prick of tears. He knew he had to compose himself and return as though nothing had happened but at that moment he felt as if his entire world was collapsing around him. What was this feeling? He took a deep breath before splashing himself in the face with water before giving himself one more look in the mirror before striding out of the room. When he arrived back the song had changed to 'The Night We Met' by Lord Huron. Tristan recognised it immediately from 'Thirteen Reasons Why' a programme that had helped him through his rehab experience as it gave him the strength to get through. His eyes landed on the couple on the dancefloor. It was Frankie and Miles, Tristan could imagine this was the father-daughter dance but knowing the Hollingsworth Patriarch, Miles had had to step up to this role. Both had tears in their eyes as they swayed to the music and looked deep in whispered conversation.

Miles hands were tightly gripped round his sister's waist as they danced their way around the dancefloor. They both had tears in their eyes which most of the guests would believe to be tears of both sadness and happiness as Miles 'let his sister go' to start her married life. Little did they know these tears were actually for Miles and the fact his heart had just broken. His sister felt awful for not telling him though she felt as though it wasn't her place to do so. Her grip tightened on him and he buried his face into her shoulder. This was a feeling he'd never quite experienced, like someone had, in particular Tristan, had shoved his hand through Miles's chest and grabbed his heart before throwing it on the floor and trampling all over it. He caught a glimpse of Tristan in the crowd watching knowing that Tristan knew the truth behind these tears. He was always the only person who could see straight through him. As the song came to an end Miles looked at his sister, gave her one last squeeze before excusing himself from the party.

He walked out of the back doors into the vast garden at the back of the venue to get some air. All he wanted to do was go home and curl up in his bed. He even felt like leaving the country and going back to London. The thought of having to see Tristan again was making his heart hurt and he felt the familiar sting in his eyes. He'd dreamt about finally seeing Tristan again and this happening but he never imagined the pain to feel like this. He felt the presence of someone behind him and thinking it was one of his siblings. He was shocked to see it was the one person his heart pined for. Tristan stood 6 feet away from Miles and had himself got tears in his eyes. He covered the distance between them in two steps wrapping his arms around Miles. Miles's arms automatically wound their way around Tristan's waist and he held onto him for dear life. With that Miles cried into the nook of Tristan neck which he fit perfectly into. All the pent up sadness of their breakup and the years that followed flooded out of Miles. He couldn't stop; he just clawed at Tristan's suit trying to find support to keep his weight up. Eventually the tears began to slow and his grip on Tristan's jacket loosened until his arms dropped limply to his sides, his eyes looking to the ground. Tristan took his face in his hands and Miles leaned into his touch. It took Tristan all his might to say the next few words.

"You need to forget about me."


	7. Chapter 7

*author note: Hi all, thank you so much for reading I hope you are enjoying what is my first time writing any form of story. I just want to put a disclaimer in for this chapter due to the presence of mental health disorders. As someone who has lived with this for many years I just want to say I am using my own experience as inspiration and I do not want others to believe everyone experiences the same symptoms*

It had been just over a week since Tristan had told Miles to move on from him and in that week Miles had let himself go. He'd left the wedding at that moment with his sister shouting after him but it didn't feel right for him to stay. His bed had become his best friend and he'd spent the majority of his time there, only moving to go to the bathroom or in the moments his brother had forced him to eat. His sister had said she would postpone her honeymoon to be there for her brother but he had made her go though he knew she had been checking in on him every morning.

Miles knew what was happening to him but he didn't want to accept it. He'd dealt with depression throughout his time in London but due to his history of drug abuse and addiction, he had not been allowed to be medicated. He felt like he was drowning, water pulling him under taking all hope of breath away with it. The revelation last week of Tristan no longer wanting him had hit him much harder than anyone had expected. If they were honest, many of those there celebrating Frankie and Winston's wedding had though the pair would have gotten back together with Tristan dumping Hugo before the event. The fact this hadn't happened had shocked most including all of those who had gone to school with the pair.

There was a knock at the door. Miles grunted at it and the knocking got louder. He got up from the bed and unlocked the door to reveal Lola stood behind it. Miles and Lola had stayed in touch while Miles had been in London and was one of only a few who knew about his mental health problems while he was there. However, unlike his siblings and Winston, Lola didn't treat him like a child. When the pair had gotten together at school this was one of the main reasons Miles had felt so drawn to Lola and it was a trait she'd carried through into her adult years. She looked at him, "get dressed, we're going out." He tried to protest but before he knew it she had walked around the room finding clothes that would be acceptable for leaving the house in. She placed them in his hands, "I'll see you downstairs in 5." He nodded silently and shuffled his way to the bathroom.

Miles hadn't looked at himself in the mirror since that day and the face looking back at him seemed alien. The person in the reflection looked gaunt, pale with cheekbones protruding; they also had an unacceptable level of stubble thought Miles looking at down at his chin. Any normal day he would have removed the unsightly hair but for now he just had no motivation to do so. With a slow shaky hand he picked up his toothbrush, slowly brushing away the grime of the past few days. Next he took his comb in his hand and ran it a couple of time through his hair just to push the unruly strands out of his eyes. Feeling slightly more human he gave himself one last look in the mirror before giving a short nod and walking out of the bathroom.

"If you're not dressed in the next 2 minutes I will come up there and dress you myself," he heard Lola shout up the stairs. "I'm coming," he said exasperated. He slipped his shoes on and slowly made his way down the stairs. He'd had the curtains in his room drawn all week so the brightness of the sun shining through the windows disorientated him causing him to stumble on the stairs but saved himself before he landed flat on his face. Lola handed him a pair of sunglasses which he took gratefully giving her a slight smile. "Right, we're going out for lunch. Where shall we go?" "Can we go to Banh Mi Boys? God I've missed that place," Miles said tiredly. Lola replied with a short nod before ushering him out to the car.

The drive to the restaurant was quick but silent which Miles was thankful for, allowing him to collect his thoughts before Lola got him to speak about them. They took a table in a quiet spot towards the back of the room to give them more privacy, with Lola strategically making Miles sit with his back to the window to make sure he wouldn't catch a glimpse of the man who had broken his heart. They ordered before Lola gave him the look to start talking. "I don't know where you want me to start Lo." "Tell me what's going on in your head?" That was something he didn't want to do. "It's like I don't have any thoughts, I can't focus on anything and I've got no interest in going anywhere. It's like all meaning has been taken out of my life. Today's the first day I've brushed my teeth in a week." Lola looked at him not with sympathy but understanding, though she had never lived with depression herself. That was what was so amazing about Lola, she never judged anyone just wanted to help them when they needed help.

"What did you think was going to happen?" she questioned, not disapprovingly but due to sheer curiosity. "I don't know. I've thought about that moment every day since and just thought things would fall back to how they were before I left. When I left it was left that when I came back we would try again." "But you've not kept in contact." "I tried but every time I wrote that letter or email I couldn't send it." Lola gently took his hand "I think you knew deep down when you came back things would be different but you didn't want to believe it. I know I felt like that when we were together all those years ago. At one point I even thought you'd leave Tristan for me. Talking to someone independent helped, them not knowing anyone I was talking about allowed me to express all my feelings without it getting around my friends." "So you think I should go and see a psychiatrist?" Miles said blankly. "It's something I think you should look into. It might help with your depressive thoughts too considering." Lola dropped off, addiction being the only topic she struggled to talk to Miles about. He nodded playing with his noodles on his plate.

A psychiatrist was a scary thought but he was willing to try.


	8. Chapter 8

Tristan sat staring at himself in the mirror. In the week since he said those dreaded words he'd struggled to do anything, including learning his lines for the play. Though Hugo hadn't come out and directly spoken to him about the wedding reception, he knew something was wrong and had been since that day. All he knew was that Tristan had gone to speak to Miles, which had resulted in Miles leaving the party and Tristan returning in tears. They'd left shortly after and neither had spoken of the wedding since but Hugo knew Tristan needed his space.

Tristan swept his hair into its usual style before grabbing his bag and putting his shoes on. He hurried out the door, grabbing an apple on the way and began his journey to the theatre. In his haste to get to rehearsal he didn't notice the small woman standing by the door waiting for him. As he rushed by she grabbed his arm startling him. Looking back at him was none other than Zoe Rivas. He threw his arms around her engulfing her in a hug having not seen her for 6 months. "What are you doing here?" Tristan asked squeezing her harder. "I heard about the wedding." Tristan looked down at his feet. "I don't want to talk about it," "Well you need to and I know you need me here at the moment." "I have to be at the theatre in 10." "That's fine. I'll meet you there for lunch at 12." Tristan nodded said his goodbyes and made his way to the theatre. He knew he could act and had managed to convince most that he was absolutely fine but Zoe was one of the few people who could see straight through him.

The morning rehearsal did not go well in Tristan's opinion, with him continuing to forget his lines. He trudged out of the theatre to a coffee shop on the corner, spotting Zoe straight away, walking in and kissing her cheek. He ordered quickly and took a seat opposite his best friend. "So are you going to tell me what happened at the wedding?" "It's not really something I want to go through again." Tristan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I spoke to Frankie. She contacted me to check you were okay, she wasn't sure you'd want to speak to her directly." He hadn't thought about that, those few words had changed his relationship more than just Miles. "I didn't even think about the consequences what I said would have on Frankie too…" "So what did you say?" Tristan sighed heavily "I told Miles he had to forget about me." Zoe looked at him incredulously, "Why on earth would you tell him that, he was there for you through your entire recovery." "I am well aware of that Zoe but when I saw him at the wedding all I wanted to do was kiss him but how could I do that to Hugo? He doesn't deserve that. Miles and I were together a long time ago and if he really wanted us to have a chance he should have contacted me while he was in London but he didn't." "You didn't contact him either," Zoe said softly. "You know I wanted to but I just couldn't. It felt like I would be interfering in his new life and I let him go so he could have that new life." "How do you know he didn't feel like that too?"

Again that was something Tristan hadn't thought about he had just assumed Miles didn't want to be a part of his life but what if he hadn't contacted fearing he would prevent Tristan's recovery. "I hadn't thought of it like that," Tristan replied almost defeated. "Tristan, I love you but I think you need to give him a chance to tell you why he didn't contact you even if just for closure. I think it would be best for both of you." "Is that what Frankie told you?" "She also thought it would be a good idea," Zoe replied defensively. "I doubt he'd even want to speak to me." "You don't give him as much credit as he deserves. You changed him while we were at school. He's far more understanding than you think."

"Fine I see if he wants to talk but I'm not sure he'll say yes."


	9. Chapter 9

While eating his lunch with Lola, Miles's phone buzzed on the table letting him know he had received a text message. He ignored it knowing it would be his sister checking he was okay having been told by Hunter that he had left the house. He continued to eat his noodles while he and Lola caught up discussing her plans to marry Saad, though he had not popped the question yet. This made Miles smile as it was something he had always imagined Lola doing, whoever she was with would have planned her wedding day.

He finished his food and picked up his phone ready to tell his sister he was fine when he realised the number who sent the text was not saved into his contacts. He opened the text expecting some form of cold caller but instead he was met with what appeared to be an essay:

Miles,

It's Tristan. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour

at your sister's wedding. I shouldn't have spoken to you

in that way and for that I am very sorry. You know who

much you meant to me while we were at school especially

during my recovery and for that I will always be eternally

grateful. I was hoping you would go out for a coffee with

me so we can catch up and talk about what has been going

on in our lives over the last few years. If you don't want to

I'll completely understand but if you would don't hesitate

to text me. Again I'm sorry for the position I put you in.

Tristan xx

Miles sat frozen looking at his phone. Lola cautiously took the phone from his hands reading the message with an expression no one could read. "You need to reply," Lola stated, handing the phone back to him. "What do I say? Should I even go?" "We both know what you want to do. Tell him yes of course." The anxious part of Miles's mind was telling him not to go and just ignore the message but his heart was telling him he had to. He was sick of those anxious voices which had plagued him over the last week, so using the only technique he knew, he opened a draw in his brain, shoved the thoughts in and locked the draw. They were not going to pester him today. He grabbed the phone back from Lola and typed in a quick reply before he could regret his decision. The phone pinged almost immediately though this time the message was not as long.

Great, how about lunch tomorrow?

Miles agreed and then locked the phone so as to not reread the message and find hidden messages that weren't even there - another part of his anxiety that he lived with. "What did he say?" Lola questioned. "He wants to meet for lunch tomorrow and I said yes," "That's a start, hopefully you'll be able to work all of this out and be friends again." Before this, Miles had thought he would never see Tristan again yet now he would see him in less than 24 hours. What would he say? How should he act? Should he accept Tristan's apology?

He shook his head trying to remove these thoughts and focused back in on Lola who was getting her purse out to pay. Miles hand quickly shot out, "Don't be silly, this lunch is on me. Without you I wouldn't have gotten out of bed yet again." Lola tried to protest but she knew she'd never win, he was far too stubborn for that. Once Miles had paid they left the restaurant. "I think I'm going to walk back," Miles said. "Are you sure? Don't want you to get lost now," Lola joked but knew the air would be good for him.

They said their goodbyes before going their separate ways. Miles dug his hand into his pocket to keep his hands warm on what was quite a chilly April afternoon. Just like London he thought, though the British weather had a mind of its own changing from freezing cold to scorching hot in a matter of days. He made his way along the familiar pavements of his teenage years reminiscing on his school days. Sometimes he wished he could go back to those days and change everything including the way he had treated a large number of his friends including Tristan. If he had been nicer to Tristan the first time round maybe they would have got back together earlier than they had in reality. He would have been able to spend more months with him and possibly even stop him from getting onto the bus, instead catching a lift with him. These thoughts had surfaced before but now it seemed more real and it could even mean that they didn't break up and would still be together.

Before he knew it Miles had returned back to his sister's. He unlocked the door and rather than go straight to his room to curl back into a ball and hide from the world, he made his way into the living room. Hunter was sat with his back to him, playing the PS4. One thing that had never changed about his brother, his love for computer games. Creeping up on him, Miles jumped at him, making Hunter fly almost two feet in the air in fear, cursing as he went. "For fuck sake Miles, you made me die. I've been trying to beat the record for the length of time a player survives." It took Miles a while to calm his laughter. Hunter composed himself, "How was lunch?" "It was good thank you, oh how I have missed the food in Toronto." "And do you feel better now you've spoken to someone about what happened at the wedding?" Hunter knew how close Miles and Lola were and knew what their conversation would be about. "Yes actually. Tristan text me while I was out." "He did? What did it say?" "He apologised for the events at the wedding and were going out for lunch tomorrow to have a catch up." Hunter looked carefully at his brother, "And do you think that is a good idea?"

"I'll never know unless I go."


	10. Chapter 10

*So this is chapter 10. Wow that's gone quickly. I hope those of you reading this are enjoying this. As a first attempt I'm quite proud of this and it has given me a way of expressing myself which is something I struggle to do*

Miles sat in the window of the coffee shop. He'd agreed with Tristan to meet at around midday but Tristan had warned him he may be late due to the rehearsal overrunning. Before long he noticed the tall brunette rushing down the road toward the door of the shop spotting Miles and smiling sheepishly nodding his head towards the till as he walked through the door, indicating he was going to order his lunch. As he walked towards Miles he didn't know what to do – did he hug him or should he shake his hand? Thankfully when he reached Miles, he received a hello and a smile and all the awkward feelings he had felt in his stomach all morning dissipated. He felt slightly bad as he hadn't told Hugo he was meeting Miles but he knew he would understand. "Hey" Tristan said softly looking at the handsome brunette in front of him. Miles returned the hello and looked hopefully at the seat next to him. Miles was definitely concerned Tristan was going to run away, but relaxed as Tristan took the seat.

The first few minutes were strange, both struggling to choose where to start their conversation resulting in a dull chat about the weather and how busy the city was. "It's not as busy as London, now that's a very busy city. Everyone literally runs everywhere in the hope of not being caught up with the huge groups of tourists." "Are you one of those now? Having been there for so long you must feel like a local," Tristan chuckled. "Never quite felt right being there, I actually plan on moving back here to Toronto," Miles stated. That shocked Tristan, his conversations with Frankie had suggested Miles loved London and that he'd being staying there. "Oh, Frankie thought you loved it in London," "I haven't told her I'm staying yet." Both were quiet for a moment before Tristan started again, "I'm sorry for my behaviour at the wedding." Miles struggled for words but knew he needed to tell Tristan exactly his feelings. "You broke my heart," Miles said quietly. Tristan knew he had taken it badly but he didn't realise the full extent of those words on Miles.

"I tried to write to you when I first moved to London but could never find the words to describe how I was feeling, I know the irony of why I was there," Miles chuckled sadly. "I really wanted you in my life but my mental health took a turn for the worse and I didn't want that to impact your recovery. I know I had already made it harder for you and I couldn't make it worse." Tristan could feel the tears building behind his eyes. Zoe had been right, Miles had wanted to contact him and worse the reason he didn't was to allow Tristan to get better. "I tried to write to you too. Gosh we sound so old-fashioned talking about writing to each other. Your sister never mentioned you being unwell while you were in London?" Tristan questioned. "Do you really think she would tell you I was ill when she knew you were the reason I was struggling? Before I left you were my source of comfort and when I moved I felt like I had no one. I've got friends in London I even tried to date but it just didn't make the empty feeling I had go away."

During this whole confession Miles had been looking at his hands. Tristan's chest hurt knowing he'd caused Miles so much pain. "I never meant for that…I thought I was doing the best for both of us." Miles smiled sadly "And it was better for you. Look at you now, fully recovered and pursuing acting. If you hadn't have told me to leave that would never have happened," They sat in silence for a moment. "Tell me about Hugo." Miles didn't know why he asked Tristan that but he just knew he needed to, to direct the conversation in a different direction. "Well he's studying here too though not drama. I met him during the first week of term and that was it really. You'd like him. He's very into his literature," Miles knew he'd made the wrong choice in asking as he could feel his anxious and depressive thoughts creeping up on him, reminding him that he would never have Tristan the way he wanted to. He continued to pretend to listen however the voices in his head were overwhelming.

"Oh crap I need to be back at the theatre in 5 minutes. You should come to our performance. I think you'd enjoy it." This shook Miles out of his trance. "Yeah maybe," He said with a fake smile. Tristan's face dropped into a small frown knowing something wasn't right with his lunch companion. "I need to run but we should get lunch again soon. I know I feel better having aired my side." He gave Miles one last smile before leaving the shop to return to the theatre.

Miles knew now was the time for him to find a psychiatrist, so using the number Lola had given him, he rang them, making an appointment for that afternoon. Apparently Lola has rang ahead letting them know he would be in contact and would need an appointment as soon as possible. He spent the next few hours walking around the city thoughts plaguing his brain before making his way to the psychiatrist's office. He opened the door and was greeted by a homely looking office with a small woman sat behind the reception desk. "Hi I'm Miles Hollingsworth, I've got an appointment this afternoon," her face was kind and she smiled at him, passing him a clipboard with forms for him to fill, telling him to take a seat and wait for the psychiatrist to call him in.

It didn't take long for him to be called. He looked up to see another small lady this time wearing a pair of 1950s style glasses. She looked as though she were a similar age to his mother but this woman wore a smile that fit her face perfectly and didn't seem forced. As he walked towards her she stepped out of his way letting him into her office, "Hi Miles, it's lovely to meet you. My name is Charlotte but you can call me Charlie if you like. So let's get to know each other," normally he would have felt uncomfortable but something about Charlie made him feel safe. "Well I'm Miles but you already knew that," he smiled slightly "I've just moved back to Toronto from London where I've been studying and working for the last few years. While I was there I started to redevelop anxious and depressive symptoms which made life really difficult." "Had you had those kind of symptoms before?" Charlie probed lightly. "I had them at school. I didn't have the best childhood growing up. My father was abusive and it took a toll on my entire family. When I was at school I was dating this guy who helped me through my thoughts and made my life better. Then he got into a traffic accident which left him in a coma. I spent the next few months helping him through his recovery but he thought I was a hindrance rather than a help so we broke up. I made it look like I could cope with this but it really took its toll on me and then moving to London seemed to exacerbate the thoughts in my head. Things started to get easier when I spoke to a counsellor in the UK and my life went back to normal but I couldn't get him out of my head. I studied creative writing at university and most of it was about him. I came back recently to move back but to also attend my sister's wedding. I didn't know it at the time but my sister had invited him to the wedding and it brought all the thoughts back and all I wanted was to be near him again. Then he told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me. I've spent the past week unable to do anything but I spoke to him today but again the negative thoughts came back. I don't know how to get rid of the thoughts."

Charlie looked up from her notes, "I'm sure together we will be able to find a way."


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next few weeks Miles and Tristan kept in contact speaking most days. Tristan found the return of Miles's support gave him his confidence back. Though initially rocky, the rehearsals for the end of year production began to improve leaps and bounds and soon the cast could run the entire play from start to finish. Hugo had also given Tristan the space he needed to sort the thoughts in his head and now they had fallen back into their routine of spending lunches and evenings together. There was only one thing, these were less frequent though Tristan put this down to their busy schedules.

The pair were walking hand in hand down the streets of Toronto. The weather had changed and a slight warmth filled the air. This was the weather Tristan loved the most – the spring where wearing a jumper was still acceptable but a coat was a no no. As they walked through the streets, they turned a corner making their way into a small Italian restaurant. This was where they had had their first date and Tristan smiled gently at the memory of it. They took their seats and sat in silence while they scanned their menus, the air between them different this evening. "I think I'll just have my usual." Hugo said folding the menu back up and laughing. He did this in almost all restaurants, Tristan found this very boring. "I think I'm going to experiment."

The waiter came over taking their orders and removing the menus from the table. While they waited for their food to arrive, Tristan noticed Hugo wasn't completely being himself, playing with his finger and glasses. The conversation seemed strained from Hugo though Tristan didn't know why. Whilst they ate their meal this awkward air continued until Tristan could no longer bare it. "Are you okay? You seem really tense this evening." Hugo obviously didn't realise he had been being so obvious and apologised quickly before taking a deep breath and placing his cutlery down on his plate. "I do have something to ask you." Hugo began shakily composing himself, "In a few weeks I'll be moving back to the UK." Tristan froze all the worst scenarios running through his head, 'he's breaking up with me'. Tristan hadn't experienced this since Miles and didn't know how to reach. "If you're going to break up with me you didn't need to bring me out for dinner." "Why would you think I was breaking up with you?" Hugo said looking aghast. "I wanted to ask you if you would move back with me. I know it's a terrifying thought but I don't want to be without you and I'll struggle if you're nearly half way around the world from me."

Tristan let the words sink in. Hugo wanted him to move with him back to the UK, he hadn't expected that. It was something he had pushed out of his mind and hadn't thought about but now it was here in front of him. On one side moving to the UK was a great idea, Hugo would be there and he'd be able to start his acting career in the West End. On the other hand, everyone he knew and loved was here, his friends, his family, Miles. He'd only just reformed a friendship with Miles and he wasn't willing to let that go. "Tristan, Tristan, Tristan." Hugo said getting louder with each repetition of his name. "I know it's a big deal and I understand that you will need time to think about it but I just want you to know it would make me so happy for you to come with me." Tristan's mind was all over the place. This could be the most important decision of his life and right now he didn't know what to do. "I'm flattered but I'm going to need time to think about it." Hugo took his hand softly in his, "Take as long as you need. Even if it takes you until after I move back, I know you'll have made the right choice." That's what Tristan loved about Hugo, he was so understanding. Even when Tristan was obviously thinking about Miles, Hugo had given him the distance while providing the support he needed to get him through.

This was a difficult choice Tristan had to make but he knew whatever he decided Hugo would support him.


End file.
